How to speak Midwestern: a guide for Californians!

One of the first things that I noticed about California when I moved here a few years ago is that you all have a strange accent and have trouble saying a lot of common words like name places in the Midwest(or as my lovely  fiancée, Patricia, calls it—back East).   So I have to provide my non-Midwestern friends here with some help on the pronunciation of some Midwestern place names.

“Wisconsin”.  It is spoken properly as ‘Wis’ rhymes with piss—which is a lot of what you do there since there are literally bars/taverns/liquor stores/gas stations or convenience stores which sell alcohol/restaurants which serve booze with your meal on every street corner in the entire state; ‘con’ as in the short-hand word for convict; ‘sin’ as in the breaking of one of the good Lord’s commandments—which actually happens often in what would seem to Left…sorry, West….Coast residents to be a very square and God fearing part of the country.

“Illinois”.  ‘Ill’ spoken not like being sick but like the letter ‘L’’; ‘in’ just like it would seem; and ‘nois’ spoken not like noise but actually ‘oy’ like in boy.  L-in-oy.

“Minnesota”  You all do a good job pronouncing this state’s name except that you have to remember to use an accent similar to the Muppets’ Swedish Chef in order to do it justice.

“Ashwaubenon”.  This village on the south of Green Bay, Wisconsin should be considered the true home of the Green Bay Packers since three sides of the team’s home stadium, Lambeau Field(aka The FrozenTundra), is bordered by it.  Ash  wob in on

“Milwaukee”.   The beer capital of the world.  Home of the Milwaukee Brewers baseball team and the Milwaukee Bucks basketball  team—aka the Sacramento Kings of the Midwest.   Mill walk key

“Chicago”.   That tottling town.  The city with broad shoulders on the southern side of the Cheddar Curtain (i.e. the Illinois-Wisconsin border).  Shhhh  cog oh

I hope that the pronunciation  guide I have provided to my California friends will encourage you to learn more Midwestern speak and help you all in your quest to speak without the strange accents you have in the Land of Fruits and Nuts.

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2 comments

  1. hahahahaha NO

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